I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
