Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was like eating out sand paper
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
