before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
