Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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