I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
