I'm so fucking centered right now
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
