Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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