I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We got so high we made milksteak
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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