If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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