Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
