Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
