upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
