nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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