She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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