This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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