Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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