Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
