Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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