My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
