3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
