Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
