Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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