you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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