This girl is more easily done than said...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
