He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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