my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
