he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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