Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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