Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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