dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
