Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
