That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
