Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
