i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
