community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
