You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
