I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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