Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
