mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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