my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
