i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
