I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
