Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
