this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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