But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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