I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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