was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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