You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
