I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
