Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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