Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
