Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
