Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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