I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
